Boundaries

Source: Pinterest

It is a quick writing yet very helpful to start creating my own boundaries. and yes, it is okat to say NO.

This is from @mellow.doodles . you can search and surf her stuff in Instagram. I hope this may help you as well. Here they are.

Boundaries sound like:

  1. I will end this phone call if you continue to shout at me
  2. I need time to think about it. I’ll come back to you
  3. I can stay for half an hour
  4. I don’t respond to work emails at the weekend
  5. Thank you for your offer, unfortunately I can’t make it
  6. I’m not comfortable with that. If you do it again I will have to leave
  7. I’m not comfortable discussing that. Please do not discuss it with me
  8. I respect your opinion but this is my life and my decision

Based on my experience, I attempted number 9 and number 5. As you know, being a people pleaser, those boundaries aren’t easy to apply it in reality. Otherwise, we can start to normalise it. Probably it is really hard to do it as we don’t want to hurt people.

Again, based on my experience, meeting new people with different background (countries, races) they’re very open to communicate their boundaries. As an opposite talker, I didn’t get offended due to their honesty. It is such a relief to know more about boundaries and communicate it.

As a final, start to create your own boundaries. Don’t hesitate to tell people your rules as long as it doesn’t harm anybody.

K, bye!

Ikrim

May 28, in the new house .PKU

Semua Akan B Pada Waktunya

Tulisan ini dibuat abis baca story nya @andhika.diskartes . Gatau sih siapa dia. Mungkin seorang financial planner. Tiba-tiba aja explore story trus ketemu. Mungkin karena saya sedang banyak cari referensi terkait financial planner. Ya walaupun saya ga cukup kaya untuk rencanain keuangan, setidaknya saya tau apa yang harus saya lakukan kalo nanti saya jadi crazy rich. wkwk. aminin. 

Kurang lebih dia bilang kek gini, pas ada yang ngasih statement; “Pas tembus tabungan 100 jt bahagia puas. Pas udah 600 juta kok malah biasa aja yak. Ga ada hepi-hepinya”

Trus dibalas : “Nanti pada akhirnya kamu akan ngerasain titik ‘biasa aja’ atau ‘sudah seharusnya’. Misal pas di 1M atau seterusnya. Tapi beda-beda ya tiap orang”

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Abis baca story tersebut Saya tercenung. Merenung. Mikir. Trus setuju. Angguk-angguk kepala. Lah, iya juga yah. Dari Kecil sampe sekarang sebenarnya kita udah ngalamin fase ini. Fase dimana semuanya akan terasa biasa saja. Cuman levelnya beda dan terus meningkat seiring umur kita bertambah.

Flashback waktu di US dulu, saya pernah ngobrol sama almarhum Rijal. Kurang lebih dia bilang pas kita udah beli Macbook sama Iphone. Bahagianya tuh bahagia banget pas akhirnya kebeli dengan menabung dan nahan nafsu makan beli ini itu. Demi ini dua barang. Secara kita gadget freak juga kan. Trus pas udah memasuki bulan kedua memiliki Barang tersebut dia berujar; “Beb, kamu ngerasain ga sih, pas kita udah punya ini ternyata biasa aja yah rasanya. Ga ada wownya bagi diri kita sendiri.”

Sayapun mengiyakan. 100% setuju sama pernyataan almarhum. Dan ga cuman itu aja. Pas pertama kali nginjakin kaki di Chicago O’hare International Airport rasanya seneng banget. Malah senengnya dari jauh hari semenjak dinyatain lolos beasiswa trus ngurus visa, interview visa, pembekalan dari AMINEF, meeting terakhir sama PIC kita, mba rianti dan ngobrol sama Mr. Alan. Sampe subuh-subuh jam 2 am nyampe di terminal 3 Soekarno Hatta tuh, kayak masih melayang saking senengnya. Sampe transit di Narita International Airport pun rasanya sangat menyenangkan. Sampe di 6 bulan pertama selama tinggal di Virginia, akhirnya nyeletuk. Ternyata Amerika tuh kek gini yah. Biasa aja. Bumi Allah tuh kurang lebih sama aja. Bedanya polusi dan ga ada polusi. Dan emang seger banget udara di Virginia itu. Asri dan jarang upilan hitem saking bersihnya udara disana. Hahaha.

Mungkin begitupun saat kita masih kecil. Dikasih kado boneka atau mobil-mobilan sama orang tua saat kita kecil, bahagianya ga kepalang. Trus 2 jam kemudian, rasa bahagia tadi udah hilang aja. Malah mainan boneka dan mobilannya Udah patah dua atau patah tiga. Hihi. 

Saat saya juara satu atau juara umum dari SD Sampai SMA, ya sama juga. Bahagianya pas nerima kabar dapat juara. Besoknya biasa aja. Mungkin karena udah sering dapat juara aja kali ya. Malahan yang saya kenang sekarang adalah proses dan perjuangan buat dapetin semua gelar dan Barang itu yang sungguh sangat mengagumkan. Kok bisa saya menabung segitu banyak uang. Kok bisa saya belajar mati-matian, ngerjain tugas tepat waktu, ga ada waktu buat nongkrong (kebetulan ga suka juga), ga ikut organisasi (karena ngerasa ga penting selain belajar). Kok bisa saya belajar akuntansi dan fisika, yang kalau saya pikir hari ini Sudah tidak sanggup berteman dengan formula-formula tersebut. Ternyata saya bisa juga ya. Walaupun perjuangannya ga mudah juga mengingat banyak hafalan dan beban pekerjaan rumah lainnya.

Lalu bagaimana sekarang?

Saya mengira-ngira akan hal dimasa depan. Hal-hal yang belum saya miliki atau terjadi ke saya.  Wondering, Kalo saya punya tabungan 100juta pertama, saya bakal tereak kegirangan dipasar atau tereak kegirangan juga tapi cuman di dalam kepala. Sok-sok cool dan nahan diri gitu. Atau pas Udah kebeli rumah dan mobil pertama, saya bakal “Oh” aja ga sih? Kayak udah biasa. Udah seharusnya. Ga ada yang perlu dibanggain dan di senengin secara berlebihan. Haha. Duh halusinasi menyenangkan sekali. 

Atau saat akhirnya nikah sama my long lost romantic soulmate yang cocok banget tek-tokan obrolan, visi misi pernikahannya cocok, sampe konyol2nya. Bakal seneng atau biasa aja yah? Atau ngerasa “oh, ternyata dia bisa gini juga. Ternyata sama-sama koplak kayak saya juga”. Yoweslah kalo gitu. Anda beruntung ikrim. wkwk. 

Misal nanti punya anak, siklus nya pun akan begitu. Pastinya bahagia dong, hamil dan ngelahirin anak yang sehat. Iya, senengnya di awal-awal. Gatau kalo nanti ada namanya baby blues, anak rewel, Anak sakit, anak udah gede, sekolah, dll. Tapi kalo case Anak kayaknya beda deh. Sesusah2nya hidup, selalu ada cara untuk cariin rejeki buat anak. Yagasih, para ibu-ibu? Sorry, Saya sebagai guru TK, Taunya ya seneng main dan belajar sama anak orang. Gatau kalo sama anak sendiri struggle nya entah kayak apa. Semoga saya bisa jadi Ibu teladan juga. Amin. 

Pada akhirnya apa yang dikata orang dunia fana, ya betul. Termasuk rasa dan perasaan terhadap kepemilikan. Baik benda mati atau orang dan binatang tersayang. Semuanya ada ‘time-out’ terkait perasaan.  Bisa kepemilikan hape kesayangan kamu, baju baru kesukaan kamu, anak kesayangan kamu, suami tercinta, orang tua yang selalu ada disaat dibutuhkan, momen kelulusan sekolah, momen ulang tahun, momen pernikahan, momen pertama kali lainnya. Semuanya temporary, dear. 

Kalo tadi kita bahas rasa ‘senang’. Lalu bagaimana dengan rasa ‘sedih’? Apakah kita harus lama-lama bersedih? Tidak bukan? Kita anggap saja ini siklus yang selalu berputar. Setelah sedih ada senang. Setelah Susah ada kemudahan. Atau bisa jadi kesusahan dan kebahagiaan berbarengan. Tergantung bagaimana kita menyikapi dan memilih sudut padang darimananya. Sudut pandang dari rasa syukur atau sudut pandang dari tukang mengeluh? Well, you do you. You choose your choice. Semoga makin bertambah umur, kita makin bijak dalam nentuin pilihan. Termasuk menaruh perasaan kita terhadap kepemilikan sesuatu. 

Setelah nulis panjang-panjang, ini ada beberapa lessons yang bisa diambil dari curhatan saya ini (yang semoga berfaedah, ya Allah);

  1. Ekspektasi 

Please, ekspektasi itu kalo bisa nol. Zero. Jangan ngarep terlalu tinggi terhadap barang kepemilikan kamu. Kalo udah tau baju yang dibeli harganya 50ribu, jangan harap kalo tuh baju ga bakal luntur, bahannya bakal halus atau cocok di badan. Ya bedain dong Barang harga ratusan sama puluhan ribu. Ya beda, kawan. Kecuali kamu emang tim #thrifshop. Kalo beruntung, bisa dapet baju bekas yang cocok dengan harga yang minimal. (Tos sesama anak nge-thrift)

2. Do not attach to your things. Too much.

It’s okay kalo kamu sayang sama barang2 kamu. Gimanapun ya harus dijaga, dibersihin dengan baik. Kan dibeli pake duit hasil keringat. Tapi kalo ada Barang yang Udah ga kepake dan tergeletak lama, menurut saya baiknya di jual balik atau donasi. Biar bermanfaat sama pemilik selanjutnya (Kok saya jadi nyaranin minimalist lifestyle ye?)

3. Ups and downs

Ini terkait perasaan senang dan sedih. Usahain kontrol perasaan kamu in between. ditengah-tengah. Pas senang ga overreacting. Pas sedih juga gitu, ga jadi depresi apalagi gila. Yakin, semua ada masanya dan sedih atau bahagia kamu ga bakal lama kok. paling lama itu ya perasaan B ini. Biasa aja. flat. Kayak hidup saya. Ga ngumbar-ngumbar sakit hati. Dan ga pamer juga kalo dikasih rejeki. Ini bedain ya sama appreciation post dan juga ngasih tau orang untuk waspada terhadap orang jahat, kalo misalnya kita sedang dikasih musibah. 

Wah, lumayan banyak juga saya nulis. Biasa nulis di Notes, hari ini nyoba nulis di Pages. Ternyata lebih menyenangkan. Lagi latihan ga terlalu attached sama microsoft word nih. haha. Mungkin ini tulisan terpanjang selama tahun 2021 ini. Udah dari tahun berapa, pengen banget Nulis yang panjang dan runut. Tapi kebanyakan nulisin curhat gajelas dan ga runut. Ya, semoga Ikrim bisa nulis novel yang bagus, ya Allah. Pengen banget bisa jadi the next Tere Liye atau ga the next Kevin Kwan. Wkwk. Ketahuan saya suka novel fiksi-fiksi gini. Dari cara penulisan mereka berdua, saya suka. Ga bikin bosen. Malah sekali duduk langsung selesai tuh buku saking penasarannya sama ending novel mereka. 

Kapan-kapan saya tulisin deh buku-buku yang lagi saya baca. 

Okay, here is my writing about something you do not need to take care of. Haha. 

Bye.

Ikrim — The Night 29 in Ramadhan 1442H — 02.20 am

Dear A

It was February 21 when the first time you reach me up. Nothing special since I’ve got several similar conversation regarding scholarship and other things relate to it. One thing I remember is, that conversation went smooth which I did not realise it became our further plans, then it lead to create a project. To be honest, I was surprised how come a “hi” can be “a project”. As an observant, I used to take times until make a decision. On the other hand, I was enjoy the convo and little by little telling you my concerns even though my text language is very stiff and awkward *You don’t know how many gazillion times I read our convo. lol *I also always make a border whenever I talk to the opposite gender in order to protect myself.

Unfortunately, due to my sister’s wedding preparation, we could not continue our planning. I was super busy helping her things because I’m the only person who was ‘free’ and single. Which means I can be an ultimate helper and run fast to help anybody who need helps to buy stuff, cleaning things, etc. A day After that super hectic wedding day, I got sick. Haha! No wonder. I almost did not get a good sleep and work under pressure even though at the same time I am happy on my sister wedding day.

A day after that I remember you. I remember my promise, thus I sent you a voice note that I was sick and ask you to postponed the schedule. Aha, I remember that I sent it a day before and you replied: 

“Syafakillah Ikrim. Get well very soon. May your event is going well. Hope you can join next time when you ready”

“I got another project you can join honestly. We’re guiding 20 start-up companies and I hope you can help me since I’m dealing on my work and graduate school workloads at the same time”

But I forgot to reply your good offers.

5 days later, I contacted you again. You told me that you were collapsed and already lay on hospital’s bed. I did not aware that you are in an agony until you said that you have problem in your lungs, heart and liver. Oh God, how come such a young man like you would have complication diseases! I prayed that may you heal soon and can back to your daily activities. It was March 3rd 2021 and it was our last chats.

On March 13, I received a shocking news that you’ve passed away. Your illnesses are pain and hurt. Allah love you, so He takes you back that time. In a very good time with the best companions by your parents and your loved ones. 

Do you know how I feel? I was shock. I was crying. I was sad. It was like I lost my old friend who I knew very well. 

In the end, all the things come from Allah and will be back to Him.  One thing I can do for you is a prayer. May Allah forgive you. May He accept all of your good deeds in dunya. May Allah substitute your pain into the infinite happiness in Jannah. Hey, may we re-unite in Jannah!

 —————

A day after you were buried, your friend invited me to join a zoom meeting. This meeting was held to commemorate you and pray for you. I was surprised that you have so many amazing good friends. They talked about your kindnesses. Here are few things I’ve learned from you:

  1. A is a positive person
  2. you influenced your neighbours by teaching the kids
  3. You give happiness to people around you
  4. A is a chairman of Karang Taruna, A Takmir in Masjid. Every saturday and sunday, you sleep in the masjid so that you can teach the kids to read quran. You joined an islamic lecture to provide yourself in islamic knowledge
  5. In the end of your time, you wrote a sentence to your mom; “Bu, I am happy”. You did not complain about your illness
  6. you do not want to make difficulties for everyone
  7. foremost thing you asked when you open your eyes is, “Bu, did you eat? Ibu jaga kesehatan ya”. For you, people you loved is your number one before yourself
  8. You wish that you can accompany your mom to learn and read quran together. isn’t this beautiful?
  9. you don’t want to have a bad relationship to anybody. So, you tried your best to maintain friendship
  10. You have had ever wonder, if you die, what would you be reminder? I tell you, you’ll be remembered as a kindhearted person

Dear A, 

Thank you for letting me know that you does exist. Thank you for say hi at the first place. Thank you for that hasty conversation but profound. Thank you for giving me another good friend who let me know more about you. Even after you’ve gone, Allah replace you with other wonderful friends. Thank you for the lesson. It’s funny that I know you more after you go. It’s funny that I feel so close to you after you’re gone. It’s funny that it feels like magic and drama at the same time.

Again, thank you for making me realise that I am Precious. 

I’ll leave this here for now, or forever, but I think I’ll come back. Thank you A. See you again in the best place.

A letter from Ikrim to A. 

Written in the night 28 of Ramadhan 1442H

High Standard

Source: Pinterest

One day, in 2019, I’ve ever told my concern to my coordinator during my exchange program in the US. I was very concerned about this topic since at that time I had a heavy pressure from my sister. She, my sister wanted me to get to know someone which supposed to be my future husband. Initially I refused it due to my focus on study and several things I had to do in my program. You can tell that my exchange journey was super busy. In one day I have to go to the college, studying, finishing my assignments which is not one or two assignments. It can be 5 assignments in the same day, in the same deadline. Also, I need to go to the elementary school in the morning for volunteering by teaching one of the students to read fluently. In the dawn, I have to prepare my meal, the snacks, my breakfast because I wasn’t sure the halal food in the cafeteria. So that, I prefer to cook my own meal which I can assure their halalness. 

Suddenly, I have to think about a relationship. Considering about it was never cross in my mind. Living in the overseas made me to rethink about what I really want, my value, my purposes in life, get to know myself better where I found I was shock that I am that kind of person. 

That pressure really made me angry and grief at the same time. Just because I don’t want to follow what society expect from me if I don’t want it. For real. 

I really hate to follow what people say to me, order me as their value, preaching me to do this and this. One thing I could tell is everything can be discussed. Actually I am not that very stubborn person who deny for having a discussion. However, talking to your own family member about your value which is different to them is as difficult as hell! 

The most funny thing is, I had never announce to anyone that I am looking for a spouse. If I could find him by myself, I’ll do it on my own. But, there are some apart relatives tried to introduce me to this person. Voluntarily, they persuade me to get to know this and this persons. If I go back to that time, I was super uncomfortable due to their attitude even until now I can feel that same super duper heavy pressure. 

During the program, I have a weekly meeting with my coordinator. She’s a super warm person and I can rely on her. Of course, she can be a good counsellor at the same time.  One day, I told her my concern and the pressure I had and we had a long profound conversation. That conversation made me to rethink about the definition of “a standard”.

“Was I wrong to have my own standard?”

“I’ve witnessed the bad side of marriage, that is why I need to be wiser and picky about my own spouse”

“Should I lower my standard? In order to get married, no body badmouthing me, nobody says bad thing since I get married in their late age standard.?”

“Should I just give up on my future marriage?”

“Is it really difficult to find a good match compare to my very normal standard?”

I had a deep mental breakdown that time. I felt very ugly at that time. I felt depressed and hate myself. I told her everything.

While looking at me and listening to my whole stories, she took a breath and said: “Ikrim, you don’t need to lower your standard. Do not do it. Listen to me, you have to stay on your standard. Keep it, and fight for it. You’re really worth it and precious. Yourself is special, see, you can get a scholarship and came to America. Never settle for less than you deserve. You deserve so much big important things in the future. Just wait, and see how everything’s gonna happen to you.”

She said it sincerely and made my heart warm. Isn’t it beautiful to listen dearest words that you need from someone who was new to you and suddenly her words lift you burdens. 

I was lucky for having her by listening my story. In the future, I’m gonna read this writing and be more grateful for what I have had in that current situation. and again, Do not settle for less!

XO,

Your friend who keep telling a story about relationship concerns. I hope I can help you by reading my beautiful journey

-Ikrim

Ramadhan day 16, 00.16 am – PKU

You know what

Hal yang paling menyedihkan saat saya lagi terpuruk adalah, ngebayangin punggung sama kepala saya di usap2 sama almarhumah mama, sambil beliau nina boboin saya sampe tertidur. Setengah rasa sedih saya rasanya pasti sudah terangkat. See you in Jannah ya, ma

My Own Battle and Burden

Dulu waktu kecil kalo saya gak dikasih mainan barbie kesukaan, bakal sedih banget sama orang tua. Udah ngerasa hidup paling sedih, paling berat dan males banget buat liat hal lain lagi. Pas udah masuk sd, pelajaran di kelas berasa sulit banget, apalagi pas UN. Deg degan takut ga lulus, ga bisa lanjut SMP dan banggain orang tua. Ga bisa ngelanjutin hidup lah pokoknya.

Pas SMP sama SMA juga gitu. Takut banget ga lulus UN dan SNMPTN. Gimana nantinya kalo ga bisa lanjut sekolah. Kalo saya ga lulus bakal malu maluin dan udah jelek banget lah yang namanya masa depan.

Trus pas udah lulus UN, ikut ujian SNMPTN takut banget ga lulus jadi mahasiswa. Mau ngapain saya kalo ga lulus? Padahal teman2 sekelas udah dapat tiket kelulusan ke kampus impian mereka. Ah, selalu kesedihan mulu yang saya pikirin. Banyak kalau kalau nya.

Padahal ga harus ngikutin aturan baku masyarakat. Lulus ga lulus UN ga semenakutkan itu ternyata. In the end saya sudah ngasih yang terbaik. Ga perlu curang juga buat ngedapetin sesuatu. Main fair itu adalah hal yg dilakuin orang yang berjiwa ksatria. Gagal atau berhasil kan udah digarisin sama Allah. Ga perlu jadi beban atau penyesalan. Apalagi kesedihan yang berlarut.

Kenapa ya kita selalu ciptain burden ke diri sendiri? Overthinking lah. Takut ini itu lah. Ngeremehin diri sendiri ga bisa ini itu. Padahal setelah dicoba, kita bisa aja. Malah hasilnya excellent.

Pas olimpiade astronomi waktu SMA, saya malah ga ada burden sama sekali. Chill aja gitu belajarnya. Seru. Pas lomba tau tau dapet juara 1 dan mewakilin kota sendiri ke tingkat provinsi. Pas disuruh jadi speaker buat acara2, takutnya setengah mati. Takut salah ngomong, gagap ngomongnya, ga jelas atau orang lain ga ngerti. Yang intinya saya takut orang bakal nge judge saya yang jelek. Padahal orang kebanyakan ga bakal mikir sampe sejauh itu kecuali emang dia hater sejati kita. Dan pas ngasih kajian pun ternyata saya kok bisa. Lancar aja ngomongnya walau diawal gemeteran gitu suara. Pas ngasih pidato juga saya ternyata bisa kok walau pas awal ngomongnya kecepetan. Pas wawancara berbahasa inggris, ternyata saya bisa kok ngomong dengan baik dan lancar bahkan sampe curhat pake bahasa inggris. Yang ini nganterin saya bisa ke amerika. Ternyata pas saya diundang uda Ahmad Fuadi buat ngasih talk, saya bisa. Ga malu2in juga. Bahkan banyak yang terinspirasi dengan kisah saya. Ternyata jadi moderator buat acara sekelas international conference pun saya bisa. Padahal speaker nya peneliti muda indonesia di Jepang, seorang profesor di Osaka University yang pas awal saya baca profilnya saya langsung minder setengah mati. Apalah saya ini. Ternyata saya bukan remah2 renginang atau debu2 keset rumah. Saya bisa kok. Saya hebat. Tapi kenapa baru hari ini saya sadarnya hei manusia?

Haha

Ah, pikiran manusia yah. Emang lebih kejam dibanding pistol, peluru, sabitan, pedang, pisau silet atau omongan tetangga sekalipun. Saya ga ngomongin omongan orang. Tapi “omongan yang ada dalam pikiran kita”. Bisa sakit banget kalo omongan jelek di pikiran kita didengerin. Jangan sampe deh dikasih wadah tuh pikiran jelek yang jelek2in diri sendiri. Mending cintai diri sendiri dengan sepenuhnya. Jangan tunggu orang lain yang puja puji kita eh diri sendiri telat nyadarin kalo kita se spesial itu.

Dear self, you’re special, adorable, extremely beautiful, smart, and funny. Semua kata2 baik buat kamu, self. Terimakasih udah menantang diri dengan berbagai tantangan dunia. Semoga tantangan selanjutnya bikin kamu makin hebat personality, makin banyak rasa syukurnya dan banyak manfaatnya buat orang lain.

Your 2021 self

XO,

Ikrim

Tuesday, 16 March

When your best friends make a joke

Well, I actually want to talk about my besties. They’re my bestfriend from CCI Program and I am soooo grateful to have them as my good companion before, during, and after the program ended. Alhamdulillah tsumma Alhamdulillah. So, we have a weekly meeting through whatsapp call or video call which suppose to learn Quran because after coming back to Indonesia, we felt that our heart soo empty and needed a charge of Imaan. Fortunately they pointed on me to be the teacher or spiritual teacher and teach them about our weekly talks. The reason why they wanted me to be “the ustadzah” maybe due to my appearance whom cover myself with hijab and maybe I have learned a lot about islamic knowledge since in the middle school. Initially, I am still on going learner to be the bestest of myself, my dunya and my akhirah. 

Lets jump in to the talk. Last week was our 11th week of our Quran Circle. Sometimes we call it “Kajian” or “Liqo” or “ketemuan tapi online”. hei, it was the first time of our new another CCI bestie who joined our meeting as well. Now there are six of us. The super rempong sisters of deen. haha. Nah, after talking about quran weekly chapter 11 which  talked about how the quraisy people insult Islam, we had another chatter. This discussion source is from Quran Weekly series by Ustadz Nouman Ali Khan, Juz 11. You can search it by using keyword: Quran Weekly Series. 

After 30 minutes of discussion about the theme, we moved to private weekly chit-chat which apparently we talked about our agony of life in a week! haha! And to be frank, we spent more time to have a chit chat rather that the serious part which is this actually our main reason to have our circle sustainable. I usually became a listener just because I have been talking about the main theme for 30 minutes and it drained my energy #introvertslife . Frankly, I like to talk (a loott)  to someone whom I comfortable with. Fun Fact, almost all of us are in the late 20’s and early 30’s and we are single ladies. haha! You know what’s our talks actually, huh? yes, it’s about marriage. By chance, I shared with them about what should I do next month in my younger sister’s wedding about my singleness. Just in case people would love to ask me about that boring question! Their answers were super hilarious! they said:

“hei, you can rent a boyfriend!”

“That’s right, I can call someone to be your date buddy”

“I remember this person, you can pay him and pretend to be your future husband”

“No no, don’t this ugly man. he’s is unreasonable and norak”

What a super ridiculous advices! But I love the way they entertain me as a bestfriend! I was thinking that they would say “be patient please, yang sabar yah kamu”. 

It was a big NO! I am very grateful for trusting them by sharing my worries. As you know, mostly we don’t need an advice even an ugly advice. All we need is the ears and the jokes from them. The way they understand your perspective is already a healing and then you can setting up your next step to your problems.

I shared this chatter to my sister and she said that it is the true relationship between me and my friends and it reminded her of one of the scenes in Reply 1988 Drama. When Cho Taek lost for the first time in his Baduk Competition, he was very upset. Then his best friend came to his house and pretended that it’s not a big deal. Finally cho taek received his first lost after all the winning time. It was great time to celebrate it and cho taek was not upset anymore! 

I 100 percent agree toward my sister’s analogy. I know how Cho Taek feelings and it has no correlation to your advices, dude! Unless your best friend ask for help and advice, you can go on giving your words!

In the end, what we need is someone to listen, he/she sits down next to you, and know how to make a smart joke in front of you! I pray may you find a good friend like I had!

Rainy January, PRM, ID

Ikrim Maizana

A story of Sh Hamza Yusuf Mother

Salam,

Barusan saya sedang mencari-cari info bagaimana cara membeli buku internasional yang berbahasa inggris di depositorybook.com. Liat2 apa buku yang saya incar tersedia disana atau tidak. kemudian saya surfing lagi untuk mencari buku-buku yang pernah di rekomendasikan oleh aida azlin di channel youtube nya, yaitu: 

  1. Purification the heart by Hamza Yusuf
  2. A guide to Islam by Prince Muhammad Ghazi
  3. 40 rules of love
  4. When you hear hoofbeats of zebra

SO, I started to search the number one list in the recommendation book. Saya cari tahu, buku ini bahasannya apa saja sih? 

berdasarkan bookdepository explanation sih dijelasin gini : “This exploration of Islamic spirituality delves into the psychological diseases and cures of the heart. Diseases examined include miserliness, envy, hatred, treachery, rancor, malice, ostentation, arrogance, covetousness, lust, and other afflictions that assail people and often control them. The causes and practical cures of these diseases are discussed, offering a penetrating glimpse into how Islam deals with spiritual and psychological problems and demonstrating how all people can benefit from these teachings.”

Kurang lebih buku ini ngebahas tentang tadzkiyatun nafs, gimana caranya kontrol your nafs, penyakit hati dan cara untuk deal with them. Awalnya mau check out beberapa buku, ternyata kalo di rupiahin kerasa banget yah harga buku2 mahal. Pengen baca digital, tapi bikin mata ga enak dan perih liat layar hape dan laptop. Beli Kindle juga rasa-rasanya ga butuh2 banget. Oke, cukup curhatannya ikrim. hihi.

Long short story, saya pun cari tahu tentang siapa itu Hamza Yusuf. Saya gugel lah beliau yang ternyata adalah American Islamic Scholar dan juga co-founder Zaytuna college. Sebelumnya saya juga sudah pernah dengar nama beliau, namun baru sekarang saya cari tahu lebih lanjut dan bagaimana kiprah dakwah beliau di amerika sana. Untuk cari tau kiprah beliau, bisa di gugel aja yah teman-teman.

Nah, pas cari info beliau di gugel, ketemulah sebuah tulisan beliau tentang ibu nya yang berjudul: “On the Passing of My Mother; Elizabeth Hanson”. and that writing is so pure and beautiful. You can read the article in here: https://sandala.org/on-the-passing-of-my-mother/ 

A writing which wrote by her son, Hamza Yusuf. Tulisan tentang kepergian ibunya yang ternyata banyak banget ngasih pengaruh ke beliau. Ibu beliau adalah seorang ibu yang senang berbagi, suka untuk berbagi melalui kegiatan sukarela di berbagai organisasi dan mengajar bahasa inggris dan banyak lainnya. Sebelum beliau meninggal, beliau malah bilang : “it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life”. (a song Prayer of Peace by St. Francis) melalui kematian lah kita terlahir kembali ke kehidupan yang abadi. Two things that I could highlight are wise and very well open minded person. Kenapa saya bilang begini, hal yang menarik pertama adalah dia sudah di baptis secara katolik oleh a greek chatolic, memiliki ketertarikan terhadap syair-syair rumi, dan menjadi anggota Buddhist Shonghai. For me, it’s a big wow untuk seorang ibu dari Sheikh Hamza Yusuf. In the end, she embraced Islam in Fez, Morocco. What a long story, indeed she had a strong believe in faith, in Islam. Masha Allah. 

Beberapa hal yang saya pelajari dari beliau sebagai seorang hamba dan seorang ibu adalah:

  1. Ga pernah bicara dengan nada tinggi kepada anak2nya
  2. Menghormati segala kepercayaan dan ngajarin anak2nya pun begitu
  3. Sebagai ibu yang saat itu belum embrace islam, beliau nganterin Hamza Yusuf yg berumur 12 tahun ke masjid untuk sholat Jumat. Ini ngingetin saya bagaimana ibunda nya Imam Malik yang rutin nganterin Imam Malik ke Masjid untuk sholat jumat. Ditambah, dia paham ibadah nya orang muslim dan bahkan sudah mengenal siapa itu nabi Muhammad SAW jauh sebelum Hamza Yusuf memeluk islam. 
  4. Ga pernah ngomongin kebaikan2 yang sudah pernah dia lakuin ke orang lain.  she just did it, and lived her truth.
  5. Senang tersenyum constantly, meskipun dia sedang terbaring lemah karena penyakit kankernya
  6. Ga pernah mengeluh
  7. Ga ngomongin orang dan menerima orang sebagaimana mereka dulu tanpa menghakimi. “She never spoke ill of people and accepted people as they were without judgment”. 

Those beautiful words Hamza yusuf wrote in his blog is super comforting and taught me much lessons. Jadi seorang ibu itu ga mudah gaes, tapi once kamu di beri anugrah untuk jadi ibu, jadilah ibu terbaik. Kamu bisa mencontoh dari para sahabiyah yang dicontohkan diberbagai literatur. Saya sangat encourage para perempuan muslimah untuk belajar, terutama belajar adab dulu baru ilmu. Agar tidak menjadikan kita angkuh, sombong, bangga karena punya ilmu. Namun selalu rendah hati dan menolong siapa pun tanpa pandang bulu karena keilmuanmu. 

Barakallahufiikum, Wassalamualaikum.

Pariaman, 12.35 wib

Salam, 

Ikrim

Day 5: Your Parents

Whenever I recall memories about parents, it’s gonna be an enormous blessings I have had from them. Actually I had talked about them in the last two posts about how grateful I am to have them and my regret for not being a good daughter for them. Since five years old of my childhoods, I didn’t live with my parents. I grew up without them assisting my curiosity, my puberty and my question about dream and life. Back then, I didn’t know how to be friends with anyone, I started to avoid people and enjoyed myself alone. Furthermore, I used to go home directly after the school is over, daily. Due to the fact that I lived in a village which takes 30 minutes by angkot (traditional public transportation) in my hometown, so I don’t want to left behind and waiting for an hour for the next “vehicle”.

Initially, I am not talking about my struggle. I’d like to tell you about my hypothesis on how parents dua (prayer) could affected our journey in the future. I do believe that our dua to our future children are heard by Allah, and one day if you’re able to have children, Allah will make it true those duas for your children. Why do I talk this topic?

As a young girl who doesn’t know anything unless their opinion which is lack of experience, it was easy for me being influenced bad habit by wrong friend and in liberal environment. Gladly, I have never wanted to try any certain thing which teenagers in my age wanted to do such as having boyfriend/girlfriend, smoking, gambling, engaged in a gang fight, badmouthing each other, etc. After growing up very well, whenever I see a good kids, a brilliant one, the kid who obeyed to their parents, who could memorize quran correctly, and love their parents and their siblings, I always prayed one of their attitude could be applied to my future children. Then I realized, perhaps this is one of the way why Allah still is protecting me from any bad influence. Probably my parent was praying for good things for me in the future and it was far far away before I was born to the world. In conclusion, I do believe dua is powerful even your dua can deliver to the one who haven’t born into the world yet. Don’t stop to pray because dua/prayer is muslim greatest power given by Allah.

May Allah protect us and our family and gather us in Jannah. Aamiin

Love,

Ikrim in Pariaman, 23:03

Day 4: Places I want to visit

Oh, I have bunch of dreamlist about places I wanna visit! You can go to the page and click the “bucketlist” part. You can see how passionate I am to traveling around the world. But again, I know it is not cheap and easy, bruh. I spent 10 years of dreaming about going abroad which I almost gave up and stop to be “a stupid dreaming girl” in  my family. I stopped it right away after my sister told me to stop dreaming and face the reality. I know my life is really difficult and everything is not going right regarding to finding a good job, financially independent, getting master degree and finding my long lost soulmate.

Actually i am a broken soul inside and outside. I hate the society back then just because it was not the society but it was my family. I am not blaming them, but there is one circumstance which is really affected me until today. That is why I started to pursue my dream and when I am eager to it, I’ll do anything secretly. Furthermore, I decided to take IELTS course by myself, spent 3 months studying IELTS while working at the same time, saving up my poor salary, stay connected to the people which I need their help, trying to open myself so I am not left behind regarding essential information, trying to keep calm down and acting not too excited when I received my nomination as a scholarship grantee eventhough I cannot stop smiling all day.

And here we go! I stopped thinking to study in America. That country was not in my dreamlist anymore as I thought it is too far from Indonesia. I preferred european countries, Aussie, New zealand or Japan. And again, Allah’s plan is alway PERFECT! America is really far after experiencing to spend 27 hours flight from Jakarta to Reagan International Airport. That time was tiring but so much joyful! I wish I could go back again someday. So, My very first country I visit is United States of America. I thought it could be Singapore or Malaysia which is the closest countries but it’s like a gift after  grief. Alhamdulillah.

So, what’s next? I really reaalllyy wanna visit KSA, do Hajj or Umrah or both of them. I wanna stay in Mecca for five or ten years or until I die like my mom! Studying quran in the place of prophet SAW, learning tafseer and memorizing quran at the same time. I know it sounds crazy and it would not be easy for a moslem woman yet who knows Allah’s plan for me?

Next, I wish I could visit Istanbul and Spain where the islamic history has created there. I wanna visit victoria falls in Zimbwabwe, visiting Moskow, Alaska, quebec in Canada, Medellin in Colombia, Cairo in Egypt, Santorini in Greek, and many more. Lol. I really need traveling right now.

Well, those are the places I really wanna visit. Perhaps I could not afford all of them, but  thinking about it makes my hear super thrilled. Lol. Okay bye

Love,

Ikrim, Pariaman, 15.43 WIB